Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
