I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
why do cheetos always look like penises
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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