I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
