Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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