Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
