drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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