i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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