idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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