I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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