and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
