I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
