I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
