weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
