I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
