so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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