If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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