Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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