If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
