I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
