wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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