That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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