I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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