i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
