drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
