mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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