So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
