oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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