New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We don't watch enough power rangers
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
