I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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