can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
