Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
