one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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