he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
