Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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