How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
