: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
