we have pet lesbian snakes
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
