There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
