Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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