3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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