he wants to bone in the snuggie
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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