if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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