I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
