I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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