Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
