3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
