just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
