I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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