Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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