tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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