i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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