I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I lost the right to judge tonight
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
