yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
