you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Semen is not good for contacts.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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